Sometimes, I wish I didn't understand how things happened. I wish I were not me, but a floating soul, unpossessed by knowledge or the love that binds the soul to the body. Sometimes I wish I were a child once again.

When you're lying to yourself, you know that this illusion that is life is shattering like glass. Who threw the stone? Nobody knows...

Hours fly by, hardly leaving an impression on you...

Windows Media Player wails a sad song 'Cyrus Jones 1810 to 1913...'

I wonder how people kill their own children.

I refuse to compromise, I refuse to understand, this is not my place to be.

I want to run away, from all of this. I am scared because love ties me down. So the question is, how do you get rid of love? Ironic, considering most people want to fall in love atleast once in their lifetime.

Shrimoyee is well, I love her, and couldn't probably stop doing so. I know, even if I run away, I'll somehow take her away with me.

So here we are, two intermingled souls, afraid of life as it is, and utterly tired of it... waiting for their chance to escape, and build a probably brighter life.

But life is never bright is it? Illusions are never bright, they are always vague, misleading, enticing and seducing, so like blind mice men run after the happiness that illusion promises. And happiness is like the fading horizon, the more you run towards it, the more it fades away.

'As they took his soul, they stole his pride,
As he faced the sun he cast no shadow.'

Such intolerable pain, such jarring, moving, pain hammering on my heart, and it is all mine. Cigarettes are anaesthetics, if you smoke one after too long, you feel so numb that nothing matters anymore. It doesn't help that I don't smoke pot anymore, atleast it brought a smile to my face.

Other things bring a smile to my face too, like the look that Shrim gets when she has the wind in her face.

But all that seems like the antiquities of yesteryear's delights now, happiness is so stale. I haven't been truly happy in my life for so long. At one point, I realized I was too depressed to be of any good to myself, so I forced a smile everytime I felt that my nerves were going weak. I ought to be a counselor's first love.